Big Daddy in the Fight of His Life
by Flagg1991
Summary: Big Daddy Lincoln Loud, the baddest pimp ever, 'bout to get his ass whipped.


Big Daddy Lincoln Loud was sitting in a hot tub with his hos when Lisa walked up; she was red faced and out of breath. "Daddy, I have new," she panted, "there's an alternate manifestation of yourself with mind-boggling muscle mass currently en route..."

"Speak pimp, bitch," Big Daddy. " _Pimp."_

Lisa rolled her eyes. "Some big nigga 'bout to come whip yo' ass."

Big Daddy did a double take. "The fuck you just say to me, bitch?"

"He's been imbued with – I mean, a buncha niggas gave him power. I think one was Harry Potter."

"The witch? Man, fuck him."

Lynn's head broke the surface of the water. "You taste so good, Daddy," she said.

Big Daddy backhanded her. "Out my face, bitch. What this nigga name?"

"Uh...just Lincoln, I think."

Big Daddy nodded. "'Ight. Let his bitch ass come."

"I have other news."

Big Daddy held out his hand, and Lori gave him a Pimp Chalice full of Lean. "What?"

Lisa took a deep breath. "There's an organization – I mean, some niggas callin' theyselves The Fuzz 'bout to come whip yo' ass too."

Big Daddy drank his Lean in a single draught and tossed the chalice away. "That it?"

Lisa shook her head. "There's another pimp. Her name is –"

Big Daddy sat forward. "Her? Oh, hell no. Bitches ain't pimps. They bitches. Where this ho at? Ima put her back in her place."

"She's coming to whip yo' ass too."

Alright, this was starting to get on his nerves, all these motherfuckas thinking they were gonna beat his ass.

"Plus, Gold Cock left you a message. He wants to team up with you against all these threats."

Big Daddy opened his mouth, but suddenly the fabric of space and time was torn asunder, and some bitch who looked like a fatter version of him climbed out. She was wearing black pajamas or some shit. "It's Kim Jong Dong!" Lisa cried. KJD grabbed Lisa and snapped her neck, then threw her limp body aside.

Big Daddy gaped. "Did you _really_ just bust my ho?" he asked.

"Yep," KJD said, "and you're next, you little bitch."

Big Daddy's Pimp Hand started to glow purple with Pure Respect and Understanding. He jumped up and slapped KJD so hard every single person in the multiverse bowed down. He snatched her cowlick with his Non-Pimp Hand and drew her face to his. "Ima make you my ho."

KJD bared her teeth. "Ima make you _mine_." With that, she hit Big Daddy in the stomach with an uppercut so strong it would have killed a weaker man. Big Daddy flew back and crashed into Leni. Grinding his teeth, he pulled the diamond from his ear. "Bitch, hold my earring."

He leapt out of the hot tub, and he and KJD started circling each other, both of them bobbing and weaving. Big Daddy threw a cross punch, but KJD sidestepped it and hit Big Daddy with a haymaker to the ear. That pissed Big Daddy off even more, and, with the speed of the wind, he snatched her by her throat and squeezed.

" _YOU DONE FUCKED UP, BITCH!"_ he roared.

KJD sneered and hit Big Daddy in the stomach. He fell back a step, and she followed up with another punch, this one connecting with his chin: A gold tooth flew from his mouth.

Big Daddy's rage overcame him, and suddenly purple fire surrounded him. He reared back his hand and hit KJD so hard it split atoms, and the world was consumed in nuclear fire, instantly vaporizing every single thing on earth – including Big Daddy's hos. The only thing left was Big Daddy himself.

"That's right, bitch!" he cried and waved his hand in front of his face. "You can't see me!"

The fabric of space and time ripped open again, and a giant nigga with bulging muscles and long white hair climbed out. "Look at this Harlequin romance cover lookin' nigga,  
Big Daddy said, "you want some too?"

Big Nigga Lincoln cracked his knuckles and grinned savagely. "Yes, please." He came forward, and Big Daddy punched him in the face.

Check it: Didn't faze this nigga one bit.

Big Daddy looked hurriedly around, saw his cane, and grabbed it. He ripped the space time continuum and jumped in just as BNL grabbed for him. He landed on the ground in front of Gold Cock's house. He got up and ran to the door.

"Yo, nigga, let me in!" he cried as he pounded on it. "This big ass nigga tryna whip my ass, and you next, nigga!"


End file.
